Online Safety

an interview with Fareedah Shaheed (aka CyberFareedah)

Hi! Tell us a bit about yourself and your work.

I have a background in cybersecurity awareness and threat intelligence, and I’ve also grown up in the digital age. I’ve been a gamer since I was 13, and I’ve experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of the internet which has inspired me to do the work I do today.

Professionally, I’m an award-winning Forbes 30 Under 30 internet safety expert, and my mission is to help parents protect their kids online. I’m passionate about making sure kids can have joyful and positive experiences online while building a healthy relationship with themselves and their parents.

As a teen, you were groomed by an online predator in a game. You say they felt like a trusted friend. How did this predator gain your trust, and what warning signs should kids and teens watch for when talking to people online?

When I met people online, I was very open and curious, so the initial contact didn’t feel unusual to me. This predator (and unfortunately, there was more than one) gained my trust by building a connection around the things I loved. I was really into gaming, reading, different cultures and languages, anime, and cosplaying. They would bring up these topics and engage me in conversations about them constantly, making it feel like we had so much in common. Over time, that connection and constant interaction made them feel like a trusted friend.

One of the most important warning signs kids and teens should watch for is actually about how the person makes you feel. No one should ever make you feel uncomfortable, give you that sinking feeling in your stomach, make you feel sick or nervous, or make you feel like you have to hide something from the people you care about most. If someone online makes you feel any of those ways, that’s a big red flag.

From the outside, what behavioral or digital clues might tip caregivers off that a child is being targeted by someone online?

I’m a big believer in trusting your gut. If you feel like something is off or your child is acting in ways that don’t feel normal for them, it’s worth paying attention and looking a little deeper.

Some signs to watch for include your child becoming more secretive with their phone use. They may be hiding their conversations, being very private about who they’re talking to, or getting irritated when you ask about their online friends. They may also avoid talking about what they do online, shut down conversations about their experiences, or completely shut you out from knowing anything about their digital life. Those kinds of behavioral shifts can be strong clues that something is going on.

You chose to confide in your mother just before running away. What did that conversation sound like, and what did she do that helped you feel safe?

I didn’t actually plan to confide in my mother at first, I was simply informing her that I was leaving to meet someone I’d met in an online game. I had even packed my bags, possibly planning to move in with him. It didn’t start as a conversation, but it turned into one because of how she responded.

Her reaction was not what I expected. She didn’t yell, she didn’t shame me, and she didn’t say, “How could you?” or “Why were you talking to someone online?” Even though I had been living a double life for years and this was the first time she was hearing about it, she stayed calm. She didn’t threaten to take away my devices or punish me…she just listened.

She asked me questions in a way that felt more like a curious, caring friend than an angry parent. She said things like, “Okay… tell me more about him. I assume you like him? What do you like about him? Where did you meet? What’s his name?” It felt almost like talking to an older, wiser friend like a friend’s big sister who was in her last year of college.

That made me feel safe because I didn’t feel judged or punished. I didn’t fully trust her yet at that point, but that moment opened the door to the beautiful relationship we have today.

You created the SAFE Method for internet safety. Could you briefly explain each element and give one concrete example of how it can be applied at home?

The SAFE Method stands for Safe Spaces, Accountability, Fun, and Empathy. Here’s what each element means and a simple way to apply it at home:

Safe Spaces means you are creating emotional safety first within yourself, then with your child.

How to Apply at Home: Take care of yourself and model self-care so you can show up calm and present. With your child, start an open conversation about their online world. For example, ask:

“What’s something you wish I understood about the internet that you think I don’t?”

When they answer, just listen don’t correct, teach, or fix anything in that moment. Let them feel heard and understood.

Accountability means you’re honoring your commitments to yourself and to your child.

How to Apply at Home: If you’ve ever told your child, “You can talk to me about anything, and I won’t get mad,” show them you mean it. For instance, watch a documentary like The Social Dilemma together and ask what they think. Whatever they share (even if it surprises you) stay calm and keep your promise to listen without judgment or frustration.

Fun means you’re creating joyful moments online and offline.

How to Apply at Home: Play one of their favorite games with them, or watch as they play and let them explain it to you. You can also ask about their favorite social media influencer or streamer, watch some of their content, and ask questions about it. Or keep it simple and let them pick the movie for a fun family night.

Empathy means you’re leading with compassion and understanding for your child and for yourself.

How to Apply at Home: Share stories from your own childhood including your mistakes, struggles, and lessons. Let them see that you’re human, too, and that you understand what it feels like to go through challenges. This helps them feel safe to open up without fear of judgment.

Are there any safety settings or parental-control tools you recommend for parents?

I recommend starting with the parental controls that are already built into the devices and services you’re using. For example:

If you’re on Google, use Family Link.

If you’re on Apple, use Apple Family Sharing.

If you have an antivirus program like Norton, check out the parental controls included there.

Your internet service provider (ISP) often offers parental controls as well. It’s worth giving them a call to see what’s available.

And don’t forget the parental controls that are built right into games and social media platforms your kids use.

Wherever your child spends time online, there are usually native tools to help, the key is to take advantage of them whenever you have a moment.

Anything else you think teens or caregivers should know about online safety?

I think it’s important for people to understand that online safety is about more than just technology or digital tools. It goes deeper than that. It’s really about the relationship kids have with themselves, the relationship parents and caregivers have with their kids, and the connection between both.

When we focus on things like mental health, therapy, self-esteem, and self-confidence, kids are much better equipped to navigate the online world safely. Of course, my background in cybersecurity means I value the technical and privacy aspects too, but many of the foundational emotional and relational pieces play a bigger role than people realize.

How can people connect with you and learn more about your work?

You can connect with me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and LinkedIn. I’m active on all of those platforms. I also offer a free Protect Kids Online Resource Library and a Protect Kids Online Membership, which are great ways to dive deeper and get support.

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Critikid has a mock social media feed for kids to practice spotting misinformation and manipulation in a safe and controlled environment before they face the real thing. Try it out.

Read other Media Literacy Interviews.